For pastors and faith leaders

People bring suicide to their pastor before they bring it to a doctor. That makes you a first responder, whether you chose it or not. This page is the faith-leader edition of Harbor Watch, which you should complete in full.

The Eliphaz problem

Job's friends did their best work in the seven days they sat with him in silence. Their harm began when they explained his suffering to him. When someone tells you they want to die, the temptation is to correct their theology, remind them of their blessings, or tell them what their pain means. That is Eliphaz. Do not be Eliphaz. Sit first. Ask second. Explain never, at least not that day.

When someone discloses in counseling

  1. Ask directly: “Are you thinking about suicide?” In the word.
  2. Do not promise confidentiality. Pastoral confidence does not cover a life in danger, and you should say so gently before they go further.
  3. Do not ask about methods. Ask about them: how long, how heavy, what has held them here.
  4. Pray with them if they ask. Do not use prayer to close the conversation.
  5. Connect them to help while they are with you: the crisis line on speaker, a clinician through Get care, or emergency services if they are in immediate danger.
  6. Follow up yourself within 24 hours, and again within the week.

From the pulpit

Say the word suicide out loud from the front at least once a year, without fear. Name that people in this room have thought about it and that they are welcome here. Name where help is. Never describe how anyone died. Never frame suicide as a failure of faith, a lack of prayer, or a certain judgment; you cannot know that, and saying it drives the next person into silence. World Suicide Prevention Day is 10 September; use it.

After a death in the congregation

Funerals matter enormously. Honor the person; do not describe the death; do not present it as peace found or a solution. Watch the young people in the weeks after. The family needs you more after the funeral than at it. Harbor After has a full runbook for congregations.

Your own care

You carry more of this than your congregation knows. Have one person outside your church you can tell. If you have lost someone, Harbor After is for you too.