After a loss
If someone you love has died by suicide, we are so sorry. There is nothing to say that makes this smaller. There are things that make the next weeks survivable, and there are things that protect the people around you, because a suicide raises the risk for everyone close to it, especially young people. This page holds both.
If you yourself are having thoughts of suicide since the loss, that is common, and it is a reason to reach a person today, not a reason for shame. The help path at the top of every page is for you.
For families
- Grief after suicide is different: it carries questions that may never be answered, guilt that is not deserved, and sometimes anger that feels unspeakable. All of it is normal.
- You did not cause this, and you could not have prevented it alone. Suicide is never one thing.
- Say the name. Say the word. Silence is heavier.
- Let people do the practical things. Let the casseroles come.
- Ask for a companion who has walked this road. Harbor Guides are bereaved people trained to walk alongside; ask for one through Get care.
- You will be offered a 12-week pathway for suicide loss through WAYLIGHT, at your pace, with a caring message from a real person for the year ahead. Take it when you are ready.
Runbook for schools
First 24 hours
- Confirm facts with the family; ask what they want shared and respect it.
- Tell staff first, in person, before students. Give them the script.
- Tell students in small groups by familiar adults, not by assembly or announcement. Say the person died; say that suicide is complex and never one cause; say where help is. Do not describe how.
- Identify students most exposed: close friends, siblings, teammates, anyone who witnessed or found out first, anyone already known to be struggling. Reach each one personally that day.
- Prepare one media statement; refer all press to one person.
First week
- Screen the close circle with the counselor; connect any student at risk to care the same day.
- Keep routines. Keep the school open. Structure is protective.
- Allow grief without glamorizing: no permanent memorials on school grounds, no naming of buildings, no dramatic assemblies. Treat the death as you would any other death, with the same rituals, no more and no less.
- Watch social media with student help; ask friends to flag posts that concern them.
- Care for staff. Adults are grieving too and are also modeling for the students.
First month and after
- Keep the exposed cohort in view for 90 days. Cluster risk is real and mostly invisible.
- Mark anniversaries and the graduation the student would have had, quietly and with the family.
- Review the runbook. What worked, what did not, before it is needed again.
Runbook for congregations
The funeral and the first week
- Honor the life; do not describe the death; do not present the death as peace or release.
- Do not say it was God's plan, a test failed, or a certain judgment. You do not know, and the person's children are listening.
- Name help from the front: “If you are carrying thoughts like this, tell me, tell someone, today.”
- Assign two people to the family for the next three months: meals, rides, presence.
The months after
- Watch the youth group. Ask the leaders to ask directly.
- Invite the family, when they are ready and never before, into something that turns grief toward guardianship: an Anchor role, a Harbor Guide role, a Light On evening.
Grief to guardianship
Many of the most effective people in suicide prevention are people who lost someone. That is an invitation, not a demand, and it can wait years. When you are ready, Harbor Watch is the first step.